I killed myself two days ago. Committed suicide. Facebook suicide. Might as well have actually done away with my real self judging by some of the reactions I have received. Kiwi told me “half of you is dead,” my boss told me it has professional implications. I had to take a few days to warn people of the impending account deletion, gather contact details, download all my photos and videos, make sure that I wasn’t losing any of my 5 years worth of Facebook history. And even after all this, Facebook is making me wait 14 days before they actually delete my account. “Are you sure you want to delete your account, <insert names of 5 Facebook friends here> will miss you. How can we help you make your Facebook experience better?” Good effort. But buh bye.

What used to be a great way to reconnect with people and stay in touch with my family and friends in the UK, is now a great way to disconnect with people. Why phone anyone, or meet up with them? I can see what you’ve been up to on Facebook… Not how social interaction was intended to be. It’s more a stalking network than a social network. And I’m as guilty of that as everyone else. I’ll look at your page/photos/videos, but I won’t bother to leave a comment or send you a message. I’ll accept your friend request, or send one, but that doesn’t mean I’ll ever interact with you. Facebook has become a habit, you can’t do anything without wondering how you can turn it into a Facebook status. These days, Facebook activity is even used by the media when reporting on deaths “Andrea’s friends have noted <insert very personal message from Andrea’s Facebook page, not intended for media consumption, here>” “Andrea was a fan of <insert Facebook likes, interests and groups here>”. It’s a bit concerning – you are more than your Facebook profile.

Facebook friends are the epitomy of friendship in a consumer-oriented generation. If you’re not accessible 24/7 via Facebook, are you still a friend? I haven’t seen friends for years but if I were to meet up with them tomorrow, we’d have a good chin wag and it’d be like the old days. On Facebook, if I don’t speak to you within a few months, I’ll probably delete you. Then once I’ve deleted you, it’s like an awkward statement that I don’t consider you a friend. But I do, I just have an uneasy feeling of looking in on your life from the outside – uninvited.

So, New Year and new me, I’m taking a stand against wasted hours, procrastination, the Facebook definition of what it is to be a friend. I’m saying goodbye Facebook, hello chinwags.

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