You are currently browsing the monthly archive for February 2009.
As planned, I took the train into Wellington today – a little later than I had hoped for as my body clock has become accustomed to lie-ins and I didn’t wake up until 9.30am. It then took me another two hours to slowly try and get ready quick enough to get in to the city in time to meet up with some CouchSurfers for lunch. I failed, although that was just as much the fault of the trains as my lazy-ass. Trains in New Zealand aren’t like trains in the UK, they are sloooooow and they come every half an hour instead of every 10 minutes.
I finally arrived in Wellington at 1pm. The skies were depressingly grey so preparing for rain I headed toward a coffee shop for shelter and to meet up with @ranginui, a fellow Twitterer. We met at mojo invincible, a classy little coffee house on Willis Street. And no, I haven’t forgotten my promise to give up coffee for Lent, in fact I’m heading down the giving up caffeine full stop route. I had a cup of herbal tea, Cleopatra’s Champagne tea to be precise – with chamomile flowers, rose petals and lavender buds. It’s no wonder that for the rest of the afternoon I couldn’t stop yawning – the combination of herbs with calming properties and no caffeine intake to pep me up was too much for me.
Having finished my cup of sleep along with a deliciously overpriced chicken bap, I left @ranginui and with the skies still threatening a down pour I walked toward Queens Wharf and the Museum of City and Sea for a gander. One and a half hours later and I was fully schooled on 100 years of Wellingtonian and New Zealand maritime history including shipwreck disasters around Wellington harbour. I didn’t even complete my museum tour since I could barely keep my eyes open (I blame the tea) and thought some fresh air would wake me up.
On leaving the museum the sun had come out and I could finally see what people mean when they say ‘there’s nothing like Wellington on a good day’. There really isn’t. I basked in the glorious sunshine and walked along the Quays taking photos, people watching, duck watching (I happen to love ducks and I think ducks that live by the sea are particularly lucky ducks – that’s one BIG pond they get to play in). I wombled along at a wombles pace until I reached Te Papa, the national museum of New Zealand. Feeling desperate for another cup of tea I headed straight to Te Papa Cafe and picked up another herbal tea, infused with Tokyo Lime. I’m tempted to refer to it as herbal pee because although they were delightful to taste, both Tokyo Lime and Cleopatra’s Champagne resembled cups of urine. Not exactly inviting until you close your eyes and smell the tea – that’s the best thing about herbal tea, it smells like pot pourri – like my Nan’s hallway. I’m not just a fan of the look of chintz, I’m a fan of the smell of it too.
By the time I finished my tea I only had about half an hour to look around Te Papa before I had to leave to catch the train home. So I headed straight for the Colossal Squid exhibition which I was most intrigued by. The museum have pickled a Colossal Squid in a giant tank and marinaded a few of its organs separately in big jam jars. It was fascinatingly stomach churning to look at and imagine that it could possibly be in the same sea that I occasionally enjoy taking a dip in. I already find it hard enough not to think about getting stung by jelly fish, bitten by sharks, treading on a stonefish, clawed by a crab, electrocuted by an eel, stabbed by a stingray in the heart and now suckered up by a squid of colossal proportions… you get the picture, I am all kinds of terrified of the dangers of paddling in the sea. Even better than seeing the real squid was the 3D film the museum had which recreated in animated 3D form the capture of the squid. If you’ve not been to the exhibition (this is assuming you’re in New Zealand) then you should.
I will have to return to see the rest of what Te Papa has to offer but from what I saw it’s pretty immense – there were plenty of animals on display. I love animals on display, it reminds me of when I was a kid my parents took me to Tring Museum where there are extinct species amongst others, all stuffed or models and in glass cases. I was awed by it all and have been ever since. If it’s fluffy, feathered, hairy, grizzly, maned or furry then I like to take a good gander close up; it’s not the same seeing them on TV or from afar. Granted, most of the animals in Te Papa are plastic but you get a good idea of their size up close.
I took another walk along the Quays to get back to the station, again taking in the beautiful weather and the atmosphere as it seemed Wellington seafront is the place to be after work – school kids were taking exercise classes down by the waterfront and there were dragon boats out training for the dragon boat races in March. Kids were jumping off the wharf into the sea, climbing out then diving back in again, people were out jogging, dog walking, picnicking in groups and generally making the most of the sunshine. It made me yearn to be in the city and be a part of it all. It’s motivational, that’s for sure.
Back at home now I am shattered but feeling happy and refreshed for getting out and about with plans to do even more – there’s so much of Wellington to see I don’t know where to begin. There’s another concert in Frank Kitts Park tomorrow – DJ Kapisi, then a Teddy Bear’s Picnic with CouchSurfers on Sunday which would involve taking the cable car up to the Botanical Gardens which is a must do; so these are good places to start.
Photos of my day can be seen here – featuring duck watching…
So much for productivity at today’s cashflow workshop. I ended up leaving halfway through with my head about to implode. We were given hypothetical profit forecast and cashflow forecast sheets to work through which brought back nightmares of GCSE maths classes and practically rendered me a weeping wreck of a 14 year old again.
On to better things, today was Pancake Day, Shrove Tuesday. Kiwis don’t do Shrove Tuesday. NONE of the Kiwis I asked had any idea what it was! Oh you are a nation missing out on the perfect excuse to chow down on stacks with bacon, maple syrup and banana… drooool. We only had them with a bit of cheese and jam (not together, although I’m not adverse to to mixing cheese and jam) but it was still tasty. For the benefit of you poor unknowing Kiwis who are reading this, Shrove Tuesday is the day before Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. Back in the days of ole’ Bible times, during Lent indulgent foods including fat, butter and eggs were abstained from, so the day before Lent all these ingredients were used up; hence the making of Pancake Day. I’m not religious but I’m considering giving up something for Lent, for the sake of setting myself a goal which I’ll inevitably fail at. I enjoy failing at things, it gives me purpose. I’ve only got 4 minutes until Lent begins so I should really make a decision about what to refrain from. Coffee seems to be a vice of mine, along with any form of cake, so maybe I should consider switching to tea for 40 long days and 40 long nights. Granted the nights will be more restful from the reduction in my caffeine intake… Ok, deep breath *eyes well up*… I am going to give up coffee for Lent *chin wibbles*. Anyone who knows me will know this hits me right where it hurts. And no sweet treats either *bursts into tears*. I’m not sure what good it will do me, but I’ve never participated in Lent before so it’s just something new to do…
Today was a good day. Today had purpose to it. I did a bit of work for my old employer who is now a client of mine from the UK, I applied for a freelance job which I feel positive about (I always get my hopes up; I’ll never learn from past let downs because I haven’t had any…yet) and I went for a 2.5ishK run. Not the best I’ve ever achieved but considering I’ve not donned my running shoes much in the last few months, this is impressive. Before I left the UK, my mum wrote in my leaving card ‘look after your health and everything else will follow’, and mum always knows best. I do feel better for running, not just for my physical health but my mental state too – I can pound any stress into the pavement, but then it’s hard to feel stressed when the sun is shining, the wind is pushing me along and Ministry of Sound Annual 2009 is providing a feel-good soundtrack to life.
Tomorrow is set to be a good day too; a day in which I get to feel productive because Kiwi and I are going to a business resource workshop by National Bank about Cashflow for new businesses. We’re signing up to loads of business workshops as well as the Wellington Young Professionals network, because they’re free/cheap, informative events, opportunities to network and more importantly they keep us motivated to get ourselves up and running. Being unemployed it’s easy to get stuck in a rut and it’s hard to pick yourself back up again because you get used to an effortless way of living. I can’t even be bothered to style my hair and fix my face in the morning, let alone think about finding clients, marketing myself and sorting through the admin, financial and tax responsibilities involved in setting up as a freelancer… *head explodes just thinking about it*
It’s amazing what a bit of purpose and productiveness can do for you – is it inate in everyone to NEED to have a purpose to life and to work at something productive? We all whinge and moan about work and how we live for the weekend, but once you’ve been unemployed for a couple of months you start to feel a bit empty, lazy and your sense of self worth starts to fade… Or maybe it’s just me? Right now even something as simple as doing the washing up or cooking dinner makes me feel I’ve achieved something with my day. I really, really need to find some clients.
Further to being unemployed in terms of having nothing to do with myself at the beginning of the week, last week I was feeling the strain of the physical unemployment of having no…erm…employment. I did get a casual job at Ascot Cinema, but I have only been given 4 hours this week on the roster. I’m pretty sure this will pick up within the next couple of weeks, once the students go back to university and can’t work as many shifts.
As for my plans of self-employment, I’m holding back from contacting companies until I am fully set up with a website and business cards. Kiwi is designing these for me but he needs to finish his own website and business cards before he starts on mine. He thinks I’m using this as an excuse not to just get started and look around for clients, but I am determined to come across as professional and organised – I don’t want it to look as though I’m just a freelancing working from home, even though I am and I won’t hide this fact – I want to make a first impression that makes people sit up and notice me. Kiwi has suggested I print off some quick business cards just to get me started until my website is finished, but again I am determined to start as I mean to go on. I don’t want to constantly feel that my website or my business cards are just an interim solution until I can get around to sorting out the ‘real’ ones. I’m prepared to wait a little longer now so that I can have a long term website, business cards and stationery, so that I can create a brand for myself which is consistent across all my business communications.
I have very specific plans for myself in terms of the companies I will be targeting and the kind of work I will be looking for, and for me to be successful I need to be completely ready before I go in all guns blazing. I don’t just want one-off contracts, I want regular work that keeps coming back from the same companies – I want to build up relationships and make sure my clients are singing about me to everyone in their circle. This doesn’t happen if you give the impression that you’re just ‘Jane Doe’ from down the road who does a bit of work for people; that’s not the best word-of-mouth sales pitch. I want clients who rave about me and say “oooh and look, she has such a cool website, and check out her pretty business card. She’s the best, etc…”
For now, Kiwi’s mum did a job search for me on the internet yesterday too and came across a contract that would be ideal for me; for a writer who is self-employed looking for occasional work. I won’t say much more except I will be applying and making sure I send them something which pushes the point that I want that job, it’s perfect for me. I hadn’t really thought about keeping an eye on the job market, so I’m really grateful Kiwi’s mum thought to – I’m hoping it’s a little bit of fate that she happened to look on the day this job posting came up. Keep your fingers and toes crossed for me.
The feeling of positivity is picking up again and I’m just taking each day as it comes. Again, looking at things in perspective, only Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday (until around 6pm) were bad days in terms of feeling down. I have times I want to go back to see my friends and family, I have times I wish I was back in my old job, then I have times I simply wish I had more money. It all amounts to uncertainty of my situation. I don’t really want to go back to Newcastle, I just want to replicate what I had there – stable work, a great group of friends and my love for the city that I called home. I’m trying not to refer to the UK/Newcastle as ‘home’ anymore, Wellington is home now, or at least it will be when we’re settled into the city. In one of the ‘love letters‘ I found amongst Kiwi’s keepsakes I had written that wherever we travel, wherever we are, it will always be home if he’s there with me – ‘home is where the heart is’, and all that sentimental junk. I spent six years in Newcastle, I went to every event I could, I worked with many of the cultural organisations there so I was very involved in city life. I need to remember that I will feel the same about Wellington after six years here – Newcastle wasn’t ‘home’ immediately, it took time – I got to know the city gradually, I became fully immersed over a period of four years, so it was really only the last two that I knew it like the back of my hand and I had carved myself a place there.
This week we have spent some time driving around Wellington and along with the concert in Frank Kitts Park and Cuba Street Carnival, I am starting to find my feet in the city and I can appreciate how it’s somewhere that I will grow to love. It’s stunning – the streets on Mount Victoria and the hills are lush with greenery and houses overlooking the city below; similar to Newcastle each suburb around the city has its own vibe to differentiate it from the other’s, as do particular areas/streets of the city itself. I’ve decided that next week I am going to take myself, a street map and my iPod on the train, go into Wellington alone and just walk around, walk all over, keep walking until I feel I really know where I am without the use of the map. Until I feel I am not a stranger to Wellington, I won’t begin to think of it as home. I know that similarly to Newcastle, in fact (it feels like I’m cheating on Newcastle to say this) probably even more so, Wellington has a big cultural scene. The concert in Frank Kitts park was part of a programme of events called Starry Night – we’ll be going into town again next week to see a DJ at the park plus there’s outdoor salsa on Wednesday nights for the next 3 weeks – I’ll probably combine this with my train trip into town. There’s loads to look forward to and keep an eye out for if you know where to look. It seems even Hutt Valley isn’t quiet (I had started to get over my love for Upper Hutt because there isn’t a great amount to keep me entertained here), having looked at a website called EventFinder I found plenty going on around me. We went to a Fair in Petone yesterday, there’s a Carnival in Trentham next weekend, a street Fiesta in Petone the weekend after that and I’m considering also going to a Recreation Expo the same weekend in Upper Hutt; where recreation clubs and societies will set up stalls for people to see what’s around and sign up to get involved. It feels like orientation week at university again but I can’t justifyingly bitch and whinge about how I have nothing to do/nowhere to go in the Hutt unless I at least try to find something first.
My Filofax is filling up with so many things to do that I won’t find time to pity myself at home, and I won’t need to anyway. I’m keeping in mind something that one very wise and optimistic friend told me (you may remember Jo?) She inspired my love for all things Filofactual (did I make that word up?) and she gave me an inspiring method for living the Filofax life to the full – if she sees a blank day or a blank week in her Filofax diary, she gets on the phone to friends and she fills it up quick. Because a blank Filofax is equivalent to not living enough. Or something along those lines. Either way, Jo’s wise words are making me get busy and as a result, get happy too. I know she’s reading this, so thank you beautiful lady – you don’t realise how much those little things you tell me have stayed in my head and become a great way to live life. Big love to you and the Filofax.
Now if you’ve read my blog for a while you will be aware that I *cringe* tried internet dating a couple of years back. And although it was all shits and giggles, it wasn’t for me. But the power of the internet is really coming into its own. Before we left the UK I gave Kiwi’s bike away through Facebook. A lovely lady I knew of through work but had never met put a message on Facebook about needing a bike. So I freecycled Kiwi’s because he wanted to get rid of it. Then again, this week, I used Twitter to freecycle my old laptop. I didn’t need it and it wasn’t worth selling, so I gave it away. And in return the guy who took my laptop gave my number to Wellyjulz who made me aware of CouchSurfers and I met some nice people as a result. Wellyjulz also told me that when she’d been travelling she had spent 105 days in Europe, of which she only had to pay for accomodation for 9 nights, all through the power of CouchSurfers. Those numbers aren’t exact, but they’re pretty close so you get the gist – my recollection isn’t great.
One guy I’m following with great interest by reading both his blog and Twitter feed, is Twitchhiker, aka Paul Smith. He plans to use the power of Twitter to travel as far as he can – preferably to New Zealand which is as far as he can get before he starts coming back home again (he’s in Newcastle, UK – I met him once and did some writing for his city blog newcastlecentric – which incidentally I found out about through Twitter). And he’s doing it all to raise money and awareness for Charity:Water. I have donated a teeny amount through his sponsorship page on his website, and I really hope that he gets to Wellington so I can physically help in the form of a bed for the night or a ride from A to B. I have full belief he will get far (check out his objectives and his rules for travelling at Twitchhiker), simply because Twitter is frequented by people who are on there to converse with others. It’s not like Facebook, Myspace or Bebo. It’s not a glorified personal biography on which to blow your trumpet to old school acquaintances about how well you’re doing now – and it’s not a place to try and pick up ‘fans’ for your business. Twitterers are far to sceptical for that. They want real two way dialogue and you will find yourself ‘unfollowed’ or blocked pretty quickly if you try to sell yourself/your goods/your services. Twitterers are open to sharing knowledge, ideas, experiences and more frequently physical interaction and, like me, using it as a method of helping people out. And what goes around comes around – I gave away a laptop, I was given some support myself. Twitchhiker is doing good for a very worthy cause and in return if Twitterers can’t donate, they can help him to achieve his goals.
If you want to try Twitter out for yourself, sign up and use the Search facility to search for people in your area or who share your interests (photography, art, theatre etc). Get following people, reply to their ‘tweets’ and you will build up a network of followers too. Twitterers often post links to websites which may be of interest and information about local events. It will take some time to build up a network – you have to make the effort to converse with people, but it will come into its own and when you need some advice/a secondhand *insert item required here*/or simply some moral support then Twitter is a great place to start.
Yesterday really helped to lift the little grey cloud from over my head. It was a day that could have gone bad – Kiwi spent the day paua diving with some friends in Makara, I would have loved to have gone too but the antibitotics I have been taking for my finger (which is nearly all better, by the way) have been leaving me feeling like shit and in need of immediate access to public conveniences. So I was on my own all day, which is never good for someone already in a depressed mood – it allows time for introspection and feelings of self pity. I was already in self pity mode so I phoned home (the UK) for a trans-atlantic cup of mum made possible through the wonderment that is Skype Unlimited World – free landline calls anywhere in the world for just £8 a month. Mum reminded me that this is a big change so it will take some time for everything to come together, and it would be a lot easier if I had some friends – a support base to keep me from feeling lonely, and dependent on Kiwi. I’m used to making friends by default – through school, then university, then work. It’s not so easy when you’re working for yourself, living in a small town that you don’t know. So mum suggested I find social clubs of some description – amateur dramatics, vocal group, dance class, that kind of thing. I’m not sure there’s so much going on in Upper Hutt so this is something that may have to wait until we move inner-city.
Having finished my pep talk with mum, I made the effort to style my hair for the first time this week and put on something other than my comfy PJ bottoms – I figured if I look good on the outside, I’ll feel good on the inside. It worked for a short while but then I decided what’s the point in looking ready to go out if I have nowhere to go, so I took myself for a walk into Upper Hutt. Keeping in mind mum’s words I headed for the library and local arts and entertainments centre, Expressions, to pick up leaflets about events happening in Hutt Valley. I pondered over the brochures and leaflets I collected whilst having a cup of coffee, sat outside in the glorious sunshine. But I still couldn’t kick the constant feeling of gloom. There was only one thing for it, I had to go shopping to cheer myself up… I headed to Warehouse and looked through all the lovely clothing imagining what outfits I could create, but I managed to hold it together and head towards the stationery section to pick up some form of folders and archive box. Much as I’d love to buy myself something pretty, I’m sticking to my resolution that my money is for business costs. And perhaps if I could get my shit organised (the office was full of samples, receipts, documents etc in no particular place or order) I would feel better – some feng shui for the soul.
By the time Kiwi arrived home I had filed every piece of paper away, all in labelled folders in one big box. A place for everything and everything in its place. I had also dusted and tidied our room, hoping it would also declutter my mind. I managed to break a lampshade in the process – must’ve been some tough-arse dusting action. But I still felt ‘wrong’ – I just wasn’t happy in myself. Then it happened, a little ray of sunshine peeped through my day in the form of a message on my blog and Twitter from a lady calling herself Wellyjulz. She gave me a link to the website CouchSurfers, an international site with a Wellington network, for connecting people new to the area (or not so new but want to meet people). It was just what I needed – turns out money and business worries aren’t so much my priority right now; it’s the lack of good friends for support. Wellyjulz told me about a concert in Frank Kitts Park – well known Wellington band Fur Patrol were playing for free and the Wellington CouchSurfers were heading down. So with an hour’s notice, Kiwi and I got ready in a hurry and headed into Wellington.
The evening was just what I needed – it helped me gain a little perspective and reminded me to just chill. the. fuck. out., and just go with the flow. I’m not the most laid back person, I can be pretty uptight and I worry too much about everything. New Zealanders have a saying ’she’ll be right’ – everything will be alright. I need this as my mantra. Kiwi and I sat in the park as the sun went down and strings of bulbs overhead lit the crowd. I met up with the CouchSurfers, leaving Kiwi behind because he liked his seat. I said a quick hello to Wellyjulz and co. and so I didn’t ditch Kiwi I said I’d meet them after the concert for a drink. So Kiwi and I went back to cuddling up like a couple of teenagers, remembering how nice it is when we go out together. I think recently we have both had cabin fever and a dose too much of each other. After the concert we headed to Mac’s Brewery and met up with the CouchSurfers again. They have a few plans in the near future for more concerts and the cuba street carnival, to which I will do my utmost to go. I really enjoyed spending time socialising with people who didn’t know me as Kiwi’s girlfriend. Who will (hopefully) like me for me, not because they have to. And it seems the theory of six degrees of separation is a lot smaller in Wellington. Through just two degrees of separation, the CouchSurfers are friends with one of Kiwi’s school friends. We might be going round their place tonight to watch a movie – Some Like It Hot is showing outdoors as part of Cuba Street Carnival, but it might be rained off so the back up plan is to watch it at Kiwi’s mates house. Fingers crossed we can go, it all depends on Kiwi taking us, and the plan going ahead.
Far from having a word with myself, I had a mini breakdown last night/today instead. There wasn’t really time to keep my chin up and get positive; everything got on top of me instead and I exploded in a shower of tears and tantrums over Kiwi which ended up in shouting matches because he can’t deal with me any more than I can deal with myself right now. The stress of money is looming over my head to the extent that I’m selling him my half of the car, so it’s back to public transport for me. This will be the second car I’ve had to sell because I couldn’t afford to keep it, but the last one I had for 1 year – this one I’ve only had for 2 weeks – it’s tragic but at least it hasn’t depreciated… I imagine this means Kiwi won’t let me call the car Elmo anymore, because Elmo’s not a very manly name for a car. Actually I don’t think naming your car is a particularly manly thing to do so even if I referred to it as The Terminator, Kiwi would still object. The money I gain back from the sale will be short lived as it’ll go towards my business start-up costs, ooh exciting. I can’t even cheer myself up by buying myself something pretty from Queensgate mall. In fact I can’t even afford to buy myself something pretty from Save Mart, the ‘recycled clothing’ superstore *cue the violins*.
This blog is becoming a chronicle of the sorry state of my bank account, but since my finances are the main factor that’s holding me back right now, it’s understandable that they’re the biggest thing on my mind. In other news… erm, there is no other news. I’m ready to pack my bags and go back to the UK, leave this ‘dream’ behind and admit defeat. But I can’t even afford to do that either… *sobs in self pity*.
I’m coming to the realisation that one eternal optimist dreamer + one ambitious procrastinator (that’s me + Kiwi) = a very big paper moon and a seemingly never-ending cardboard sea. Kiwi and I left the UK with big talk of having lots of savings which would allow us to travel extensively and still be enough to live on for at least 6 months and cover business start up expenses AND enable us to rent a nice place together. Add to these over-optimistic views on our financial situation the ambition that we would both set up our own businesses at the same time and be incredibly successful straight away, and you’ll have some idea of the size of the gigantic ‘bump’ that I am experiencing as I come back to earth (as the saying goes). In fact it feels like I’ve not only come back to earth with a bump, but somebody has firmly ground my feet into the…erm…ground and for now I have to stay put where I am.
Because Kiwi and I believe in each other, everything we talked about wasn’t (and isn’t) just make believe. We know we can be successful because we aren’t just ambitious dreamers, we do strive to achieve what we set out to. We give each other the confidence to do so. Before I met Kiwi I always believed I’d own my own business – both my parent’s worked for themselves, my Brother partly works for himself, my family have a history of owning their own businesses, so it’s what I expected of myself too. But I didn’t know where to start, I didn’t know what I wanted to do, and I didn’t feel ready to try it so soon. With Kiwi everything has fallen into place. We both understand one another’s work because it’s roughly in the same industry and we can draw on each other’s experience and knowledge to support each other as we go it alone, together.
The problem I’m experiencing is I never realised it won’t happen overnight. I wasn’t so naive, I knew I’d have to work hard to get where I want to be – with a consistent income and every thing that comes with it. But I thought I’d have enough to keep me going in the meantime – this is where the dream ends and the reality begins. It’ll be some time before we are in the same position that we were before we left Newcastle. We had steady jobs, a home, a great group of friends, our independence. I know I am in a very fortunate position to have a home with Kiwi’s family, but I also feel very dependent on Kiwi which makes our relationship feel vulnerable – it’s a stressful time, we’re both feeling under pressure and we’re leaning on each other which can sometimes cause friction. Kiwi is trying to understand our situation from my perspective but he doesn’t empathise because he is comfortable living with his family; for me it’s something that although I’m enjoying, I feel uncomfortable that I’m not contributing and this is heightening my sense of dependence. I’m aware I’m not in a position to contribute financially, but I need to be able to do something so I feel I’m earning my keep.
I have a friend who I’m close to who I can lean on too – she and her husband were in a similar position to us so she has pearls of wisdom that I should definitely use, but I’m usually feeling negative at night and positive during the day, so I don’t necessarily feel the need for her support when we see each other.
I’m trying my best not to feel negative – I should feel positive and lucky to be living the emigration dream which many Brits have but never achieve. But I feel positive about the future rather than the present, so it’s hard to keep my chin up right now. I feel positive that we will get a home, we will find a solid group of friends, we will be successful in business, we will be independent – but it’s uncertain when this will be. I’m also homesick for my friends and family so that’s adding to the ‘grey cloud’ over my head.
I need to have a word with myself, pull myself together and do everything I can to make our make believe ‘paper moon and cardboard sea’ real…
I know you’ve all been worrying all weekend about my infected finger and whether I’ll be ok, so let me put you out of your misery. The offending digit got worse as the weekend progressed until it was twice as red, swollen and green in parts as the previous photo. I bravely went to the doctors this morning, preparing for the worst – the news they’d have to amputate. I had already considered life without the tip of my middle left hand finger, and although it would be difficult I would manage. If the drummer for Def Leppard can drum with one arm, I can write minus one third of a digit.
But the doctor reassured me that he’d simply need to cut a small hole in the skin around the infection and squeeze the shit out. Of course he didn’t say shit, he said pus, but it amounts to the same thing. And so again I prepared for a painful operation, insisting that I lie down and have Kiwi there to hold my hand. He was so brave, he was there for me the whole time…
1 minute, 1 small hole in my finger, much less pus and a big bandage later and I was fixed. I felt a bit sheepish considering it didn’t really hurt and there was me squeezing my eyes tight shut as he did it, expecting to feel excruciating pain. But I’m all fixed so no matter. I do miss the NHS though, it cost $150 across two doctors appointments and a prescription for antibiotics and anti-inflammatory tablets, and the doctor told me I could have just used a pin myself to make a hole and drain the infection. Damn it.
He said, then she said...