So – Jo came and saw and conquered what she calls ‘Geordieland’ and I relived some of my favourite places, appreciating them all anew through seeing them from someone else’s perspective.

First stop was a trip to Tynemouth on the Me’Ro, (Newcastle’s answer to the London underground – although it is both underground and overground – and as Jo pointed out, ‘wombling free…’) We strolled along Tynemouth Longsands beach, marvelling at just how many insane people there were in the sea when the temperature was -4C outside… There was ice on the sand. ICE on SAND, and still there were tens of people bobbing around in the North Sea with their surfboards, wearing rubber suits. They looked like gimps – which is fitting considering they were effectively putting themselves through the pain of ice cold sea water, for pleasure kicks. Once our faces were completely numb with the biting wind, we headed to Marshall’s, Tynemouth’s so-called ‘Fryery by the Priory’ – a fish and chip cafe – to thaw out with some hot food. Marshall’s is known for its popularity and consequential long queues for both the sit-down cafe and their adjacent takeaway corridor, so even though it was only 11:30am and it had just opened, we only just managed to grab the last vacant table. Half an hour and a substantial amount of chips, fish, batter and mushy peas later, we staggered out feeling both great and greasy, ready for some shopping.

We headed for what I think of as the jewel of Tynemouth, and a place I knew that Jo (or any girl with an eye for sparkles and trinkets) would love – Razzberry Bazaar. A little shop in which you can’t see the ceiling, walls, floor or in front of your nose for stuff, Jewellery, dream catchers, wind chimes, ornaments, ceramics, clothing, bags, scarves, hats, faux flowers, soft toys, more jewellery, mirrors, candles, incense, shiny things, sparkly things; the shop is colour coded so that you find all red things together, all yellow things and pink things together, like a veritable shop rainbow. Unfortunately for Razzberry Bazaar, I get too excited by too many things all in one go and my head just implodes so I come out having bought nothing. Our second shopping stop was The Land of Green Ginger. I am not making this up. The Land of Green Ginger is a church which has been turned into a shopping mall – it houses some wholesome shoe and bag shops, handmade craft stalls, a coffee shop, and a surprising and not so Godly tattoo parlour. Lastly, on our way out of Tynemouth and back into the Toon, we had a peruse of Tynemouth Market, a market which takes place all weekend, every weekend, full of antique stalls, jewellery stalls, bric-a-brac, books and general crap stalls. I bought myself a bracelet. I’m intent on buying a piece of jewellery for every place I’ve been from this point onwards – in fact it started in Barcelona where I bought an amber, Gaudi-inspired ring; I also bought two shell bracelets from Ibiza which I haven’t removed from my wrist since purchasing them; I have a ring from Newcastle Quayside market and now a bracelet from Tynemouth. I’d like to find something when I’m in the Cairngorms over Christmas, and London over New Year. Then it’s time for something from every place on my travels… I’m going to need a bigger jewellery box.

I digress. Back to Jo’s Geordieland adventures! Back in the Toon, I showed her Fenwick’s window; took her for coffee in my new favourite place, Coffee Trader; we went shopping in Primarni where I picked up a top, jumper dress, two cardigans, slipper socks and a pair of jeans – all of which I just don’t need but when they collectively cost the same as one item from any high street store, it would be rude not to.

The night time plans to go out for dinner were scuppered by the gigantic Marshall’s lunch still weighing on our stomachs, so we went for a light bite at the Salsa Club (where, misleadingly, no salsa takes place). We all had nachos. I recommend their nachos, I just couldn’t get enough of them and was miffed to be sharing my plate with Kiwi. I don’t enjoy sharing food, I’m just too selfish and food-obsessed for it to be enjoyable for anyone involved. The rest of the night involved tipples in Long Bar, Buffalo Joes and Quilted Camel, before Kiwi retired and Jo and I carried on alone to Blu Bambu. As always, Blu Bambu didn’t disappoint. The experience was almost holy for me – I do feel spiritual at times when the anthems are playing, and I even requested Daft Punk, One More Time and the DJ obliged me – I can’t express the love I feel for that it and I know it’s not somewhere that I’ll find replicated in New Zealand. There’s only one place for the climatic cheese that is Blu Bambu, and that’s Bigg Market. I’ll miss it.

Sadly, the weekend had to come to an end. Even more sadly, Jo visiting me in Geordieland is not an event that will likely happen again… but never say never.